So Long, Bill

like, "It's fine. No different." 

But not Parcells. And not on that day. No, Parcells proceeded to have some fun with an unsuspecting reporter.  

"We've got plenty of chicken," Parcells began. "We got all kinds of chicken. We've got roast chicken, grilled chicken, chicken with stuff on top of it, we've got fried chicken. What else you like?" 

Parcells ended up using terms such as Raspberry Charlotte and Lobster Thermadore before he was done on that day.  

I can't say I always got all of his jokes. And that's fine with me. Parcells is 35 years older than me. So it's OK if a few things he says just sail right over my head. It happened a few times.  

But he's said several other things that we all got, and we all loved. He would always say, "I'm not trying to be funny" or "I'm not trying to be a wise-guy." But maybe that's what made him so funny in the first place.  

So many one-liners to choose from. I'll just go with my all-time favorite. Don't know why, but after one preseason game two years ago when Tony Romo had a nice outing and the "anointing oil" was being dished out by the media, Parcells did his best to put the young quarterback in his place - something he mastered this past season, but as it turned out, his words looked to be rather accurate after all.  

On this day, Parcells was ignoring the touchdowns or passing yards Romo threw for the night before, and harped on a low ball he threw to Keyshawn Johnson, saying the receiver had to make the "American League Play of the Week" just to catch it.  

I don't know why I thought that was so funny. Maybe because I could picture Mel Allen and his T.W.I.B. Notes.  

Now not everyone thought of Parcells' quips as so humorous. He had his moments with a few offensive remarks, but nothing too bad.  

Now I can say I never actually felt his wrath personally - at a press conference. But I did get called into his secretary's office for day for a shouting match when he wasn't happy with a photo we ran, and that I took, of one of his injured players on a stationary bike.  

Wait, to call something a "match" means both sides were partaking in the action. It wasn't a shouting match. He was just shouting at me.  

Oh well, I survived.  

And over the years, he was always rather cordial, if not friendly, in the halls.  

I'll never forget him walking out of the office on a Friday afternoon, a week after Romo led the Cowboys to a win over the Panthers and just before the team was departing for Washington. Parcells walked by me in the hallway and stopped for a one-minute chat about his team.  

He told me, "I like this team, I'm just not sure these guys really know what it takes to be great." Obviously, I wasn't jotting his words down, so it was something like that. But basically, he was saying he knew his team had talent, but wasn't sure if they could actually use that talent to take them deep in the playoffs.  

Once again, he proved to be right on that one. 

But there won't be anymore running into him in the hallway. And certainly, no more press conferences.  

Oh, and as for that Town Car in the parking lot? Word is the coach is just dropping it off. Another sign that he's gone for good.  

Sure, there will be another coach in here soon - we hope - and he'll have his own ways of doing things, his own personality, and hopefully his own sense of humor.  

But it's unlikely, unless Chris Rock is one of the candidates Jerry is planning to meet with, that the next coach will be as entertaining as Parcells.  

So since the Coach didn't have a press conference, or maybe a few quotes in his official statement, I thought I would write one of my own. Nothing too long, just short and sweet, Parcells-style:  

Look-it, it's just time for me to hang it up. I didn't just indiscriminately come up with this decision. There's lot of moving parts you have to figure. I love coaching, but there's two sides of that pancake. Trust me, I'll be up to my ears in alligators. Hey, I'll still be watching what goes on, but I've got to keep my own house from burning down now. Seriously, I'm not trying to be funny . . . anything else, fellas?"  

No coach, unfortunately not.

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